to you, with love (II)

i like to look over hoping to catch a glimpse of how you used to stay there and watch the soccer match, how you would stand outside the gate yet i cant bear to see you go, how you'd like to talk in that sleepy voice.
how i hate myself because i couldnt be bothered with you when you woke up early attempting to send me to school, how little i message you, didnt wish to take initiatives, how seldom i would actually call, how many times i would rather check on my messages than talk to you, how i always appeared busy, how i would like to neglect you, how cold i was and how sick i was trying to shrug you away, how unappreciative for all the little things you have done, how much id like to hear you sing to me, how much i enjoy watching you watch world cup, how much id like to see you hopping across the bridge like the cutest ever, how you would run around, how smart you look in colar shirts, how cute you look wearing them, how dirty you are not changing your pants, i like you so much i just cant let you go im lazy to complete because i know its neverending. i want you back as in seriously. ):

to you, with love (I)

With love, from me to you

I'm having an episode,
do you want a small bit part?
i think you might, i hope you do.
hopes set on expectations
never thought of expiration dates that you've instilled inside my mind
and traces of thoughtless compliments
next year we'll try to make amends
and see where I have come from

why was walking up the hill so much easier?
why do i like to sit facing the lift outside macs?
why do i like to waste my time away doing nothing in macs?
why do i get this swelling within whenever i see the empty benches when i reach home?
why will i get such an unexplained lost feeling everytime?
why do i stupidly like to waste my time making videos singing lost without you, singing i want you to want me?
why do i sulk so much now?
why do i get distracted accompanied with nonsensical thoughts?
why did i enjoy my holidays last last month?
why do i like the song hips dont lie?
why did i join soccer?
why do i start enjoying taking bus 43 or 48?
why do i still get so attached to the name kim tat seng?
why do i still stay online till fucking late?
why do i get a black book?
why will i cry?
why cant i move on?
why do i care about the world cup even though i disliked it?
why did i choose to neglect?
why do i have to be the biggest loser?
why do i like the words wet hot sexy emo and good so much?
why did ssc, macs, bin centre, that coffeeshop bring back memories?
why am i getting my hopes so high?

because its you, because its fucking you.
and because your name bleed by my ankle, so you wouldnt get too close to my heart

lets sum up this love into one smart line
22nd june
soccer
fights
blood
longji
kim tat seng
bus 43
bus 48
bin centre
your green colar
teh-o
snake grass water
spit at me
running around
standing outside the gate
dont go.
sitting adorably watching match
peeped.
sleepy voice
sing to me
woke up super early
send me to school, i didnt want
i hate me.
few messages
much neglect
dont take initiatives
'ill make time for you ok?'
always so busy
im sorry
how i neglect
little things,
how unappreciative i was
watch world cup
you are cute
hopping across the bridge
so cute
skate skate skate
smart look-
colar shirts are the best.
send me home home
sweet ixora,
bvlgari i like
cd shop, you'll visit
babe, i used to call
dirty boy dont change pants
: its from malaysia
cause i didnt care
you wont come back
blame me
ahh, fuck.

the silence goes on and on.
with your name across my chest,
you know you take it back.
it leaves a tear to stay,
the price you pay for making your mistakes.
don't even lay your eyes on mine,
the reflection burns you blind.
this time your demise is inevitable
say your last goodbyes tonight,
and I can't forget the times Ive died.

cause you wouldnt know how much guilt i have to swallow every morning, how much you mean to me. im such a loser but who cares since love is for losers. if nothing is forever, and since you're my nothing already, will that make you my forever?

babe.
come back please.
i know this is redundant because you wouldnt
i hope you're happy then
and i still cant let go ) :